You may spot a few things immediately wrong. Like they are going for a professional angle, but there are missing capital letters and misspellings. So that doesn’t make a good impression. And in this case, I would go a step further…

But first, just bear in mind, the sender sent this in without ANY context… So I’m working with nothing but my best idea of how to help him without ever working in the “dump truck” business myself… So we’re going to tear it up the best we can for him.

And there are two other obvious points for improvement here. I call them The 2 Golden Rules:

1. Simplify for clarity

2. Make an immediate offer.

Let’s rewrite the ad real quick and you’ll see exactly what I mean:

— Quick Rewrite —

Haulage Services Serving ALL Of Toronto.

Reliable. No hassle. Guaranteed 🤝

Fill out the easy form and get a free same-day quote within 24-hours Monday-Friday, 9am-5pm.

With ‘X’ years experience, we take care of all the difficult logistics, coordination and transportation, so you can focus on the day-to-day planning and execution of your projects.

— Commentary —

Do you see how much more simple and easy to read that is?

This is really important because people don’t have a lot of time. If you’re reading this you MUST be very passionate about growing your busines, because most people don’t have the attention span… So you have to remember that, especially in an industry like haulage.

And do you see how we got straight to the point with an offer of a free quote within just 3 lines? I would DEFINITELY make a feature of this in the creative image and/or the Headline too!

…Talk about multi-tasking! Which reminds me. You’ve probably got a lot on. While you could learn how to write great ads by reading all my blog posts and doing it yourself, it’s a lot easier, faster and more cost effective to get a professional to do it. So while you’re here:

Or if you want to take a leap of faith and try this all yourself… you can download our FREE guide and join the newsletter where we tear up ads for breakfast, take questions and share hilarious stories on the daily.

We. Are. Obsessed. With. Growing. Local. Twickenham. Based. Businesses.

Download FREE Today