Email Outreach Video Script
So we got this video script for a cold outreach email sent over. It’s a good example of a great effort. But there’s a few things we can improve. See if you can spot them as you read through. I’ll share a few takeaways and an edited script. You’ll be able to apply these takeaways to improve just about any script.
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Original Script
Hey, this is >name< with >company name<. And if you're currently not 100% satisfied with your software, or you think there could be some improvements, whether it's CRM, ERP, whatever the software is, then this video is for you.
Now I think a lot of people probably got a minor headache when I mentioned the word software, and for good reason to be honest. Software is a huge headache. Whether you're implementing a new system, training your team, managing it, finding a new system, no matter what it is, software is a headache. Everybody knows this.
Now our job, our goal, is to make sure you don't have to go through any of that stress. We are here to make sure you have the best possible system for your business, to make sure it works incredibly well and to make sure it improves into the future. Now if that's something that you might be interested in then click the link below or simply reply to this email and let's set up a call. No annoying sales tactics, no hard clothes skills, nothing like that, just a normal conversation.
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If you had to change anything in the script, what would you change? What is the main weakness?
It takes too long to get to the point. I would shorten it down:
“Hey there, If you’re a business owner, and you’re pulling your hair out because of CRM, ERP or any other software issues, then you HAVE to watch this.
We help companies with all their software headaches. We take your existing software, manage it, and take the stress out of it for you. Could be your CRM or ERP for example. Basically whatever your software is; we can help. That way, you squeeze all the juice out of your software and it does what it’s supposed to.
If that sounds helpful, simply reply to this email and let's set up a call. No annoying sales tactics, no hard close sales skills, nothing like that, just a normal conversation.”
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Takeaways
First of all, major props for the “everybody knows this” line. Couldn’t hurt to add: “this is true” 😆
There were a couple of awkward pauses. He could rehearse it more times to make it cleaner or delete the awkward paused.
It got a little repetitive around the “headached” section.
Perhaps we could add something to the close - some sort of offer. Whether that’s a free quote on paper or 10% off an annual subscription.
Put the bulk of your effort into the start. Get their attention right away, otherwise nothing else matters.
“If you’re a business owner, and you’re pulling your hair out because of CRM, ERP or any other software issues, then you should watch this.” THEN you can tell them a bit about you and CTA from there.
You HAVE to get the start right, otherwise everything else will inevitably fail.
Sam Terrett
P.S. If you could use help with video sales scripts, email outreach or any other marketing campaigns; reach out here: www.tearitupmarketing.co.uk/contact